Fakyup

Do I have to tell?
or do I have to speak?
Or both,but I know they wont listen,
cause I'm merely a person,
stand in a million,tried to escape my own intriguing destiny

People said they would stayed,but in due time,
they will all glide with the wind,leaving me alone,
wonder,if they will come back?
I doubt they will, cause each of them has finally found their own happiness,
who am I to judge or to make them stayed?

How long do I have to live in my own lies?
How long they have to pretend to care?listen?or loved?
when they got their own person to care,listen and loved to,
I'm just their wall,protecting them from the cruel world,
while who's protecting me?
and eventually I will be destroyed and fall both inside and outside

I'm a failure,maybe thats right word for me,
but at least I've tried to keep the ups and downs of my life,
but its alright,at least I know they are happy,
Am i satisfied?to be honest,a simple 'NO' will answered it all,
cause I know there are others who need me,and eventually like them,
left me for something worth pursuit,

I know who I am,
or at least I thought I know,
I'm just a person who put colours in their lives,
to be short I'm a painter,who paints fireworks in their world,
I,of course not a God,cause God is a shapeshifting destiny,
while I am merely just a shadow of peoples happiness,
watching them happy,have a good ending,something thats relevant with a miracle

Watching all that,studying them how they enjoyed their happiness,
triggered me,something that I should have asked myself a long time ago,
which now I have to guts to asked myself
When will I be happy?,when will my candle finally lighted up?when will they finally stayed?
and me,myself and I havent the guts to answered it,
I know I cant answered my own question,

cause I have to find it on my own...